I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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