Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
