Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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