I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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