Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
