I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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