so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize