So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
