I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize