How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
