I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
