I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
