A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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