standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
