I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize