hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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