pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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