I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
