i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
