Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
