I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
