our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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