She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
