I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
