I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
