Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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