Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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