I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize