guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's never too late to be topless.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
