I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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