you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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