took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
