Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
