I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
