There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
