Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
