just come out here and I will go home with you...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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