I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
