Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
