Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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