I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
