i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
