Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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