found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize