They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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