and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
