I think my vagina is haunted
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
