Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
