giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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