I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
