He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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