Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
