im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
