Little spoons don't ask big questions
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
