Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
