It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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