Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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