Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
