I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
