Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
