So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
