Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
