We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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