Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
3 2 1 whiskey
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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