wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize