Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
