is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
