when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
