I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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