i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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