And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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