don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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