can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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