so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize