i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
